Though I am very frustrated with some things, I can’t say that everything went wrong.  I think I have finally found what I want to do with my life.  And it end up being the opposite of what I thought at first.

I was good with words, so I thought Journalism was the right thing for me. And after 4 years struggling to complete my university,  I’ve realized that it has nothing to do with what I had in mind and I couldn’t see myself working in that type of environment,  with those kind of people. Most of the people of this area rely on their ability to communicate. But they’re not intelligent at all, so they’re always afraid to lose their jobs to someone else a little bit smarter. The little knowledge they had, they don’t want to share it with anyone and they don’t have an open mind at all. And they are capable of doing anything to sabotage everyone who tries to make a good work. Being the introverted person I am,  don’t need to say how awful it was to me when I tried to work in this area, and people make things you wouldn’t believe just to let you down and try to take all the self-esteem you have left.  Well, but that story I’ll save for later.

Anyway, now I’ve decided to embrace my nerd side of the force and work with computers.  So I’ve started to study once again and was really scared about the subjects (especially math =p). All my childhood I’ve studied in public school, and we all know that here in Brazil they suck, so I never had a chance to learn much of math (I don’t even know how I end up learning to write Portuguese so well without having a good teacher). I was really really scared, doubting so much of myself like I always do (sadly =p), thinking that I would fail miserably. But I made it. And what I couldn’t understand in class, I’ve learned by myself, with my effort. I proved myself that I was capable of doing something that I thought it was out of my reach, and that meant a lot to me. And I guess this is a victory. Maybe now I can learn to give myself a little credit for things =]

I still have a lot to accomplish, I know. But no matter how much longer it will take, I’ll keep trying to go on.  Even if there’s another part of me trying to sabotage me all the time.

Fiona Apple

“But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention to you”

[Never is  a Promise - Fiona Apple]

In this website, I found some hints for male presents. But the description really caught my attention:

“Guitar Hero allows you to play the chords like a real guitar”

Really? You will ACTUALLY play the CHORDS like a REAL guitar? Wow! That’s awesome! I thought we would play it by pressing the colored buttons, but I guess I was wrong =p Now I guess your boyfriend won’t have to pay some expensive school to learn how to play a guitar anymore =p

Wow, a GPS \o/ A gift EVERYONE would like to receive =] Maybe he’ll stop telling you that he didn’t show up in that date ‘cause he couldn’t find the place that you two have agreed to meet =]It was not because he was with that gorgeous woman you saw him with the other day, “that was my sister”, he said. And you believed.

A remote control that takes a format of a ball… Who is mentally retarded enough to want something like that? =p

I’m surprised to see at least something good between all that shit =p

In another website, they tried to make things more interesting by dividing the types of couples.

Here they have a brilliant advice by telling you to give a present to a person that you DON’T want a commitment. Well, only 2 things can happen:

1- the person will run away from you ‘cause will think that YOU want some commitment.

2- The person will treat you like your boyfriend / girlfriend, ‘cause obviously you made that fucking clear with this gift on the valentine’s day.

Either way, congratulations! =p

By the way, who the fuck is John Mraz?XDDDDD

Oh, if anyone EVER gives me a cd of “Claudia Leitte” I would give it to the first dog I can find to use it as a frisbee. =]

I sure don’t belong to the gang of the “cool people”, maybe that’s why I can’t understand why anyone would consider condoms to be a gift. =p

I can only imagine how BOOOORING this couple should be =p People obsessed with academy and beauty patterns enough to take that as their identity usually don’t have a brain.

Well, I’ll see if I can find anything else =p

Oh, and after all these fabulous hints you still haven’t got your girlfriend / boyfriend a present?

Well,  I’ve decided to create a blog to try to fight against my urge to hide myself from the world and also ‘cause I wanted to share my thoughts freely, express myself like I used to do before, without being concerned about people that won’t understand what I’m saying and if they gonna say some shit because of that.  And I don’t think I was being able to do that in my fotolog anymore.

And also, a special someone told me that I was sabotaging myself when I said that I couldn’t write on my fotolog anymore. And thinking about that, I’ve realized he was right. But I felt incapable of doing something about it. But now, here’s my first try and I hope I can carry on with this.

Kisses and hugs =]

“…For now that wheels are turning,
I find my faith deserting me…”